✨BURNING MAN PRINCIPLE #10: RADICAL SELF RELIANCE✨

Spoiler alert: I’m going off grid...

The most threatening thing to society is a man who needs nothing. When someone breaks free from the matrix, society calls him insane. Yet he is the one who understands and sees the illusion. And he alone fears no one. It is this: the most threatening force on earth. It is this: revolution. I suppose this has been a long time coming. Over the last two months,I’ve been posting a “10 Core Principles of Burning Man Series.” I got up to #9, and then the operation froze. It seems I unknowingly left the most important for last. And now I know why. A few nights ago, on a flight out of Kuala Lampur, I made the choice to watch Wonder Woman again. I was at a point where, for the first time in my entire life, I didn’t have any pre-scribed plans or responsibilities. I wasn’t accountable to anyone or scheduled to be teaching anywhere. There was no event to show up for or place to be - into the sands of eternity. I’d packed 2017 so back-to-back, that I’ve now left 2018 intentionally wide open. As a woman with Venus in Aires, I take my missions seriously. And when, all of the sudden, it seemed all of my externalized missions had been completed, there was one mission - more important than all of the rest - that lay at the bottom of my heart…. me. When I watched Wonder Woman over the summer, it left me up all night in a buzz, internal celebration of the warrior woman inside of me, knowing, remembering, the Amazonian roots. The power, the force, the not-looking for external verification… and, most of all, the radical self-reliance. At that time in Amsterdam, I still had half-a-year left of retreats, workshops and festivals planned, and I wouldn’t take any action. Perhaps somewhere inside of my subconscious knew that when I touched “play” on the airplane’s svelte screen, everything would change - forever.

Since I was 21, I’ve had an internal urge to go off-grid and offer this body into the hands of a master. For him to mold me and sculpt me, and use the potent life force which flows through me, for some higher purpose. To become a warrior. To fight for the cosmic order. To express the potency and wild power that is god through this flesh. And yet, I never did. I grew up earning metals in archery and riflery at summer camp. I dabbled in fencing and TaeKwanDo in college. But, it seems, in the end, the ‘peaceful warrior’ path of Yoga took the lead. And as that became my career, along with all things health - my survival string, the wind behind my sails, has always been my reliance on fasting. The radical self reliance of needing nothing at all. Of going without. Of tapping back into the Prana - life-force - of which I know I’m made.

So I write you here, on day 5 of a fast - this one marking the transition between living my life for others - and living it for myself. Anyone who has known me for 15+ years would easily look back at my path of global nomadism and endless exploration and say - “but Andi, you were living for you!” And sure, yes, expressing my freedom, learning a handful of languages, amazing people wherever I went… but I was always doing it to prove myself - to one-up myself, to surprise myself of how much more I could be competent in. As I took on this career in Yoga & Health, my missions centered on service. The most-common feedback constantly receive is “I can’t tell you how much you have changed my life.” That took force. It took showing up fully. It took my full presence and an overhaul of unconditional love. And, it took me away from me. Those who knew me in the “Bali years” knew I was constantly giving myself away - often 16 hours a day, and the only ways to retreat were though distraction. Yet, this too is simply a story, a martyr tale, if you will. And to break it, I must break free of the relation. In the past year of re-writing my responsibilities, I have dedicated myself to radical expression of myself. You’ve seen my posts become that much more outlandish. I’ve shown you all of the crazy-colorful sides of what makes me, me. But this past year, in order to (again) prove to myself that “I am better off alone, and I can do it on my own,” I gave my all. Through teaching back-to-back retreat/festival/training/festival, etc., Facebook Lives and endless Instagram posts + daily “stories”. I put as much of myself out there as I could, flirting with the edge of what felt safe. I led three yoga teacher trainings this year - each as honest about the depths of the science and practice of Yoga as I could. And then I hit play on the plane the other night, and it all came crashing down.

There she was, the Woman of Wonder, with a mission, with clarity, with a calling. With a lifetime of training and a capacity to conduct energetic current better than all around her. “It’s a fictional character,” my mom writes. Yes. I know, but for me, she’s a symbol. Of a life valiantly lived. Of truly having all that one needs - not only to go for a month without food or find success wherever she lands, but to hone in mastery over this human form. Mastery to the extent that she can exert or protect herself in all situations. And so, I go. I go inward. After watching the film this summer, I couldn’t really talk or connect for a while. After seeing it this time, I’ve been silent all week. At the age of 22, I was seriously considering opening a healing center in the mountains of Taiwan. All through my 20s I’ve been living a career of someone in their 40s. Ever since I was a kid, I’ve somehow or another been ahead of my time. Yet, in Yoga, we have this system, in which a human passes through different “stages of life”. From your teens through your 30s, you’re in what’s called “BHRAMACHARYA.” Studenthood. Abstinence.

Did I share all that flowed through me too early? Did I skip a stage? How can I go back, and become a student again in a world of masked masters and juvenile justices? Yes, it seems everyone is trying to sell you their branded system these days. The true teachers - who want to reconnect you back to you - are few. Yet, in my naivety, this is naturally the kind of teacher I have always been, albeit perhaps too early. And what it’s left me with, after a decade of pouring my heart out into each of my students, clients and members of the audience, is a deep, undeniable need, to pour me back into me. Not only to fill my own cup (it really seems sometimes I could masquerade as the Energizer Bunny for life if needed… but I’m sure more grey hairs would sprout): but to become radically self-reliant. Don’t get me wrong. I love my friends. I understand community as a huge part of life. My family is my everything. But I can’t deny that each message I get or send - everywhere I go to ask for help - is outside of me. And what I know, deeper than all truths combined, is that we have everything we need inside. And so, family, clients, lovers and friends, I bid you farewell for the winter. I shall go into hibernation… somewhere off-grid. A place where I can finally offer myself to a master and undergo rigorous training. I will likely keep silence throughout the entire period and truly - sit - with myself. Whether Natalie Portaman’s portrayal of Evey in jail or Lara Croft’s seclusion her mansion layer, the lone-wolf female is the truth of who I am. In our modern, cushy, pop culture we’re left with no true birthright experiences, tests of will, or builders of courage. And so, these “fictional characters” are all the role models I have to look to in formulating my own. I have never had to fend for myself. I have lived a life of ultimate support. Of joy and of love. And I am so deeply grateful for that, beyond belief. But there comes a time when one must truly see what she is made of. And for me, that time is now.

I have nothing set in stone or confirmed until my annual pilgrimage to Rishikesh in March. I will present at the International Yoga Festival and extend my time inward in Satasang for the weeks that follow. Until then, I will be on my own. I love you, dearly, whomever you are that has read this far, and I want you to know that I am ok. I am beyond okay. For once in my life, I am listening to the deepest calling I’ve ever had. Jumping on planes to fly across the world alone at the age of 16 - or seeing clients thrice my age as a practicing Naturopath at 21 - didn’t scare me half as much as this. And yet, there is a truth in the fear. A knowing. That it is that calling, more than any, that I’ve denied and put aside, that will show me - the best of me. You know how it goes: “It’s our light, not our darkness, that scares us most…” I can’t play the game any more. The game of Maya - the illusion of this world we live in. People walk around caught in a web of distractions. From this app to that meal, the newest series on TV or the latest gossip. The Scorpio moon inside of me knows none of it’s real. But still, I picked up my chips, and I played the game - I gave it my all. But the rat race game has just lost it’s appeal. I see through it so clearly that I cannot be real anymore. I cannot show up as a player and ignore the knowing, deep down inside of me, that indeed it’s a game and I am living an act.

So I suppose, if any of this is to inspire you to take any action in your life at all - allow the to be consciousness itself. Are you aware of when you get distracted? Are you aware of your inner power? What and on whom do you rely? Can you build your inner emotional intelligence, connection with your vital life force and inner will to the point where, yes, you have this web, but that you don’t need it? For me to answer those questions, I am jumping out of and off the web, in entirety. I will not be present on social media for these months. Tomorrow begins my last commitment: an online fasting program. Yes, of course, this journey is making me re-think the idea of a career and “building” anything at all. But only time will tell with that. So - while my accounts will remain active, please don’t write me. If you need to communicate something or want to ask me a question - dig down deep - to where my voice dwells inside of you. The answers are there. We must all dose ourselves some radical self-reliance. I am pre-planning posts to Instagram & Live For Vitality FB for the next month or more, and there may also be long periods of silence. If you miss me, worry not, there’s an arsenal of videos from the past 4-5 years on my Facebook page: www.facebook.com/andreapaigeND/videos. Podcast season 2 and 3 are set to auto-release an episode per week for the next 7 months. (That work of devotion was lovingly prepared with grace by @Adam Gibson.) “Vitality Podcast Andrea Paige” on iTunes or via my website www.liveforvitality.com/podcast.

What else is there to say, really? Thank you. For giving me space. For letting me return to the depths of me. For embracing my radical refusal of modern society and the games we play. For seeing me as the revolutionary I was born to be. For your trust. I need to fully let go of who I’ve been to become who I’ll be.

A beloved student on my past teacher training referred to me as “A Generational Leader.” That - would be an honor. But I have to return, if for only three months, to a path of pure studenthood first. I’ve been a leader and a teacher since I was 14 or before. Though the periods of studying periods were woven within, the balance has weighed heavily towards teaching for the past decade . It’s time to return to Bramacharya, and humbly go back to being a student, a student of Self. I am going to see how powerful I truly am. And so, into silence I go… if anyone has immediate needs or requests of me over the next three months, please file them now. From now, the clock starts counting down one week until silence. ***Overlook others’ expectations. Be fully with yourself. Locate your inner compass and know that it will never lead you wrong.***